It seems that the 21st century woman is one who represents independence–she makes her own money, pays her own bills, is educated, and has a great career. There have been songs made about it (“All the women who independent-throw your hands up at me!”), references by men in the news, jokes at comedy specials, and I’m sure you’ve crossed paths with a man or two who make references to independent women as a joke. But in reality, it seems like such a threat to them that they don’t know how to accept—or even approach, the fact that we exist.
Men say how great it is to meet a woman who is able to take care of herself and doesn’t always have to depend on someone else, but do they really?
It seems that some men feel that when they’ve met a woman who can take care of herself that somehow, they have to do less. Or you have the ones who say that it’s nice to be with an independent woman for once, but then throw it in your face every time you have the inclination of doing something on your own or getting things done for yourself. I’m not going to lie—there are some women out there who profess to be independent women and are so far into the culture of feminism that they will quickly tell you “I don’t need a man!’ But let me be a representation of the masses and say that most of us are independent because we have to be; but truly appreciate when a man can appreciate our independence, but realize that it’s so nice to meet a man who will meet her halfway.
I had an ex that told me how nice it was to finally find a woman who could take care of herself and didn’t constantly have her hands in his pocket. He was from a small town, and most of the women who he’d dated were women who had stayed in that small town most of their lives and didn’t have any goals to do more or go further than where they had always been. It started out great to have someone with a little money in their pockets who treated me well, never told me something was too expensive to order off the menu; he would even surprise me every week with a sweet gift of shoes, perfume, or earrings. But then…
It seems that whenever I would ask him to do something, he would take too long so I would end up just doing it myself. And then when it would become an argument, the first thing he’d say was “well you’re an independent woman; you don’t need me!”
The fact of the matter is…I didn’t need him. I was fully capable of doing exactly what I need done by myself—and I pray to always have exactly what I need to get what I want. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t nice to have a little help. I know how to appreciate when a man can fix something broken in my house or take care of issues with my car because I know absolutely nothing about cars! And I know how they try to swindle women at auto shops. And I think it’s safe to say that most women out there feel the same way.
In reality, we just want someone to appreciate our independence and know that when its all said and done, we’re going to make sure that everything in both our lives are taken care of and we are in sync with one another. Yes, we have our own money, but that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate when men help to buy some groceries for our fridges, when they know that we cook lunch and dinner for them when they are the ones who eat the majority of our lasagna we made for dinner that fed them for both dinner and the next day’s lunch. Or that if the woman who’s working late and may not be able to make it to the electric company by the day’s end, has a man who will go ahead and run over there before they close and make sure his lady’s lights don’t get cut off!
Now for every independent woman, there are maybe 3 other chicks who are either waiting for her man to get off work so she can ask him for a few dollars to get their nails done; or coming up with a master plan of who’s her next victim to seduce for some shopping money–there are always going to be some of those women out there. Just like there’s always going to be some men who will never get more than a part-time, low paying job–there’s no need to have ambition if they know there’s always going to be a chick who’s going to give him a place to stay, food to eat, and treat him like a king if he simply does something nice & sweet every couple of months.
But just because these small groups of women exist, MEN, please know what a treasure it is to have an independent woman. There’s a great chance that she doesn’t just want your money. She admires your ambition, your dedication to showing her how special she is, and most importantly–she wants your time. Personally, I think one of the sexiest things a man can tell me is how much he’s looking forward to spending time with me. Just to know that he turned down plans with his friends for the evening just to watch a movie at home with me.
Not to take away from her independence, but when it’s all said and done, an independent woman just wants someone she can be vulnerable with; be her safe place and take some of that load of”independence” she’s always carrying. Allow her to know she doesn’t have to be so “independent”, and she can just…be. Simply appreciate her independence…and let her be…d’vine. #bed’vine
30, Single & Dating