Nothing makes you think about being who you are more than being alone. Why does it seem that only after a breakup do we really try to “find ourselves” or really get to know who we are? We try to find out why we are the way we are, and “what’s wrong with us”—at least I did.
It seems that its only really in between my relationships that I embrace the things that make me happy or do the things that I truly find pleasure in. Why? Because it seems that during this time I truly feel free. Free to do the things I enjoy without judgment; free to listen to the music I like or go see the movies I enjoy (which is mostly chick flicks). I mostly cook for the joy of trying new recipes rather than fixing someone else’s favorite meal; but most nights I simply eat out with friends or grab a small bite on the way home since I eat like a bird anyway.
I don’t fully understand why I always feel more caged than free while in a relationship, but I guess God knows. That’s why He’s given me some time alone to simply reflect on me.
I, like most young women out there, have always had in mind how my life was going to go. I was supposed to be married by 25, done with having my two children by 28, and exactly where I wanted to be in my career by 30—32 was my cushion just in case taking care of my family got in the way. The old people used to say that if you wanted to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. I imagine He’s been cracking up for years now. As I slowly approach 30 in less than 365 days, I can’t help but think about how many wrong turns I must’ve taken to be single and still dating.
Then one day—like a light bulb came on—I realized this time is for me. And really, once you’ve committed your life to someone, who knows if you’ll ever get that time again? One day you’re going to want that time to yourself—to learn new things, try those random past times you’ve always wanted to try (but didn’t for fear of being judged by your significant other), and so on; and you’ll long for the days of the single life when you could simply just be yourself, by yourself. So use this time wisely, to simply…#bedvine (be d’vine)!