It seems that every time I find myself in the single pool again, I subconsciously make the promise to use the time to focus on my spiritual relationship. Although not intentional, I’ve found that while being in relationships, I tend to lose focus on my relationship with God. Yes, I still attend church; and even continue to maintain my commitments within the church (bible study, hospitality, and helping in the other various committees and ministries I’ve chosen to be a part of); but I tend to question whether my heart is in what I do. I find my relationship to be the center of all my thoughts, my time, and all that I do: I can’t fully engage in what I’m learning and experiencing spiritually because everything within me is caught up in where the relationship is going and whether it will last.
And then, when I find myself single again, I find myself attempting my best to get back in touch with Christ and apologizing for putting that relationship on the back burner. Then, after hours of soul searching, I find that God allowed the relationship to end for that very reason–so he could have my undivided attention once again. It seems that I have yet to accomplish the task of being able to maintain more than one relationship at a time while being in good standing within both. I guess I’ve felt that the older I get, the better I should be at multi-tasking; but reality seems that I’m quite the opposite.
I have grown up in a family that is quite religious; my father has been a preacher since I was born, and more recently has become a pastor. Throughout the years of growing from childhood, I have greatly abandoned the importance of taking ownership of my own spiritual relationship because I knew that my parents were always praying for me, allowing me to only reap the benefits of an well-established relationship with The Father through the blessings earned by my parent’s prayers, fasting, worship, etc. After leaving home at 19, it took me time to learn to grow my own relationship with Christ, as well as gain an understanding of taking control of my own spirituality.
Although near 30-years-old, I find that I’m continually learning different aspects of faith and spirituality everyday. I’ve studied different religions, denominations, and perspectives of many other faiths to ensure that I am on the correct path that God chooses to lead me. I’ve found that practices from other religions aside from Christianity have been used to guide me through the path that is right for me; and when in a good place, I know that although I am not to the final destination destiny has provided for me, I am on the correct path God has chosen for me. And it’s important to never abandon that relationship while trying to maintain another.
So my hopes are that this time around, God takes the time to ensure I do not stray or compromise my relationship with Him in anyway because of the next great thing that comes along. My prayer is to find a somewhat equal balance between the two–while placing a stronger emphasis on my relationship with Christ. Only then can I truly give the best of me to a man that’s deserving of all that I am.
30, Single & Dating